I promptly wrote back the longest response to a comment I think I've ever written, and as I was writing (and writing, and writing, and writing... sorry, Marlene) I realized that I was talking about a bigger issue. But before I get into that, a story:
I once was sitting with a group of people when the topic of books came up. Like any bookworm would, I sat up a little straighter, excited to talk about something I love so much. One person mentioned a book they had recently read, and another person mentioned another book... and so it went for a few minutes.
Then one woman, who until this point had been silent, loudly (and, maybe just a little smugly) said, "Well I would read, but I don't have the time."
It's not uncommon for people to lament over their busy schedules, but this particular comment really rubbed me the wrong way. Implied in this comment was that reading is a luxury allowed only to those with "less important" demands on their time. It felt like a passive-aggressive snub against readers, said in order to make herself feel better for not reading. As I saw it, she was trying to justify her non-reading habits by using time as an excuse, while still enjoying the label of "reader" since, you know, she would if she had time.
It was irritating.
It gnawed at me because, hey, I don't have a luxurious life either. I'm not sitting here between my pet cheetahs and sipping on Winston cocktails between chapters. I'm not reading because I have nothing better to do. I felt like she was putting me down for reading to make herself feel better for not reading. And I don't think that's fair.
Now don't get me wrong. I understand that many people genuinely want to read more and genuinely can't as much as they would like. I understand that feeling, and I'm not referring to them here. I'm not talking about the people who wish there were more hours in the day in which to squeeze one more chapter.
I AM talking about the people who use their schedules as an excuse not to read at all. I'm talking about the people who don't choose to read even when they do have the time. I'm talking about the people who pretend that they would read if only their busy life allowed them the time, so as to appear bookish without actually putting in the effort. I'm talking about non-readers who pretend to be readers.
But here's where the bigger issue comes in: WHY DOES IT EVEN MATTER IF SOMEONE IS A "READER" OR NOT?
I'm honestly asking. If you have an answer, please enlighten me.
Looking back, that woman was probably feeling embarrassed because she couldn't contribute to the conversation. She didn't deal with it well, but it was her coping strategy.
Me, I love books. I really do. Plus the general satisfaction of finishing a novel, having a strong, ongoing, positive relationship with books allows me to pat myself on the back when articles like this one and this one come along. The benefits of reading are many and mighty. I realize that I enjoy a certain level of cultural admiration for being fairly well-read, so I sort of get why someone would pretend to be a reader in order to enjoy the intellectual esteem that comes with the label.
But.
You know what I'm bad at? Yoga. Honestly. I cannot take Yoga seriously. Every time I've tried it I end up on the floor in a puddle of strangely-bent limbs and laughing my head off. It just doesn't work for me.
You know what else I'm bad at? Chess. I once lost a game to my six-year-old cousin. And I was really trying, too. I could go on about my weaknesses, but I'll spare you.
Why do these labels matter? So you like Zumba. Good for you! Can't we just celebrate your Zumba-loving-self without comparing it to my own lack of Zumba love?? Can't we just appreciate the good in each other? Can't we let all the labels, be they "nerd" or "jock" or "reader" or "liberal" or something else, just go by the wayside? Can't we just support each other and hold hands and sing kumbaya??
I realize that this post reveals my hippie tendencies. ("hippie," there's another label for you.) I don't like comparing. I don't like being put down in order to make someone else feel better. I don't want to feel ashamed for reading. I want us all to treat each other with courtesy and respect.
AND HERE'S THE KICKER.
If I want others to respect my decision to prioritize books and reading in my life, I need to respect their reading decisions as well, regardless of whether it involves high-brow Pulitzer winning Literature or middle grade books or sci-fi or harlequin romances. Regardless of whether it means they read a lot of books, or only a few books, or none at all. Very few "readers" defend the right of others to choose not to read. I will tout the benefits of reading forever, but from now on I pledge to defend the reading choices of others, even if I personally disagree with them. Then maybe I can help our culture be more accepting. Maybe I can, in some small way, enable change. And maybe, someday, when I'm in a group of people that includes a non-reader (whether it's because they genuinely don't have the time or because they would just rather do something else) they won't feel embarrassment at their reading choices, and won't need to lie to cover it up.
All of this is to say, let's all treat each others' reading choices with a little more respect. This world needs all types. Even you. Even me. Let's make it a nice world.
I'm honestly asking. If you have an answer, please enlighten me.
Looking back, that woman was probably feeling embarrassed because she couldn't contribute to the conversation. She didn't deal with it well, but it was her coping strategy.
Me, I love books. I really do. Plus the general satisfaction of finishing a novel, having a strong, ongoing, positive relationship with books allows me to pat myself on the back when articles like this one and this one come along. The benefits of reading are many and mighty. I realize that I enjoy a certain level of cultural admiration for being fairly well-read, so I sort of get why someone would pretend to be a reader in order to enjoy the intellectual esteem that comes with the label.
But.
You know what I'm bad at? Yoga. Honestly. I cannot take Yoga seriously. Every time I've tried it I end up on the floor in a puddle of strangely-bent limbs and laughing my head off. It just doesn't work for me.
You know what else I'm bad at? Chess. I once lost a game to my six-year-old cousin. And I was really trying, too. I could go on about my weaknesses, but I'll spare you.
Why do these labels matter? So you like Zumba. Good for you! Can't we just celebrate your Zumba-loving-self without comparing it to my own lack of Zumba love?? Can't we just appreciate the good in each other? Can't we let all the labels, be they "nerd" or "jock" or "reader" or "liberal" or something else, just go by the wayside? Can't we just support each other and hold hands and sing kumbaya??
I realize that this post reveals my hippie tendencies. ("hippie," there's another label for you.) I don't like comparing. I don't like being put down in order to make someone else feel better. I don't want to feel ashamed for reading. I want us all to treat each other with courtesy and respect.
AND HERE'S THE KICKER.
If I want others to respect my decision to prioritize books and reading in my life, I need to respect their reading decisions as well, regardless of whether it involves high-brow Pulitzer winning Literature or middle grade books or sci-fi or harlequin romances. Regardless of whether it means they read a lot of books, or only a few books, or none at all. Very few "readers" defend the right of others to choose not to read. I will tout the benefits of reading forever, but from now on I pledge to defend the reading choices of others, even if I personally disagree with them. Then maybe I can help our culture be more accepting. Maybe I can, in some small way, enable change. And maybe, someday, when I'm in a group of people that includes a non-reader (whether it's because they genuinely don't have the time or because they would just rather do something else) they won't feel embarrassment at their reading choices, and won't need to lie to cover it up.
All of this is to say, let's all treat each others' reading choices with a little more respect. This world needs all types. Even you. Even me. Let's make it a nice world.
Awesome post. This could apply to so many life choices and situations, I love it. Part of what I like about it is I've felt like the woman who said she didn't have time before, lots of times really. Let's all get past that and have rainbows and unicorns forever!
ReplyDeleteThanks Janelle! I totally second what you say: RAINBOWS AND UNICORNS FOREVER!!! :)
DeleteI meant to add-- I have had a lot of people say something similar to me about my sewing, and it always stings a little bit because I feel like I make so many sacrifices to make time to do it.
ReplyDeleteExactly! It's so frustrating to be treated that way. Forget the nay-sayers, and keep on sewing!!
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